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I hope that this blog will become a place to look after my writing ideas and that, over time, I can use it to archive all my favourite creative sites on the web. Maybe others will enjoy it too.

Showing posts with label dialogue. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dialogue. Show all posts

Saturday, 4 November 2023

Day 4: Gah

Having bored myself rigid with the scene in the railway station and feeling like I was pulling teeth - even with the return to the cliche part where our main character gets dressed and I revel in the boy/girl clash (the original story of my own that I'm ripping off is named oh-so-originally Boy to Girl in case it wasn't obvious) - I decided I would skip ahead. I've been watching some video essays and Harry Potter kept being referenced and so, with that in mind and with my main character on a train, I thought I might use the journey to try and get some other characters in the narrative. Still no real plot here but at least I have a conversation. It's clearly first draft territory though - you'll see that for yourself - but at least I have a name for my main character now. The other character is the only name I remember from the original (not the surname, not sure she had a surname back then), as is her character design but description of her here is deliberately sparse because my MC isn't analysing her looks as they analysed their own back in their room and I wanted that to be a Thing. Mind you, maybe being sparse is a bad choice.

First draft. Just keep repeating that mantra and maybe I won't hate it as much! Here's the noodling from tonight:

       “Are you going to Leeds too?”

       I was a bit startled, having been enjoying the view across the rugged landscape and chalking up yet another cliché by making the observation deliberately in my head just to do so. “Huh?”

       “Leeds. Is that where you’re going?” repeated the girl sat opposite me. She looked unnervingly similar to the girls at my school in the face, which just added the feeling that things were off when I took in her clothes. “I’m going to Leeds. Union camp, you know, learning about the value of friendship or something annoying like that. They’ll probably say something about what jobs to do. I want to do Maths.”

       “Maths?” She spoke quickly, too quickly for me to really take everything in all at once. “I mean, yeah, yeah, I’m going to Leeds.” Also, there was a bit of a culture shock to be spoken to by a girl without opening conversation. Not to boast but people tended not to open conversation with me for any reason. If this were a film would it pass Bechdel’s test?

       She looked harder at me, cocking her head like a small dog. “Are you a Colonial?”

       “Pardon?” I don’t usually use that word but the situation seemed to demand the kind of archaic confusion my grandparents were fond of, I just removed the undercurrent of irritation that usually accompanied their pronunciation.

       “You said ‘yeah’ rather than ‘yes’. Makes you sound like a cowboy.”

       “Cowgirl.” I corrected impulsively, feeling stupid before the last syllable left my mouth. “On account-”

       She was laughing anyway, the kind of light polite laughter that came from genuine amusement and not being threatened by the situation. I’d heard it often enough, but never evoked it. “Well, then, what’s your name?”

       For the briefest moment I consider telling her my actual name, the one I grew up with, but luckily the confusion of seeing her laugh gave me pause for just long enough to realise that this was not the time nor the place. At least, not yet. “Suzanne. Suzanne Charlton. You?”

       “You talk funny. Are you sure you’re not a Colonial?” she caught my look of utter incomprehension. “Well, I’m Harriet. Most people call me Hattie though and Harriet sounds a bit posh if you ask me.”

       “Hattie,” I repeat, anxious to catch hold of one thread of the conversation at least. She seems nice enough.

       Smiling at my repetition. “Hattie Watson. You’re not from Carlisle are you?” Perceptive too.

       Without thinking I started talking: “Lived there seven years,” it came out almost as a defensive boast, which was not what I was intending. “Moved from Lancashire.” I was flustered, recognising that this was a chance at gaining a friendly ear in whatever the heck was happening, and grabbing it with both hands. “I live in Stanwix.” Luckily this was true for Suzanne as well as me, so I could bring things back on track. If I’d learned nothing else by watching Quantum Leap it was that Sam had to leave those he leaped into the way he found them so they could carry on living. I had no intention of leaving Suzanne with a web of confusion when I left. And I felt like I could leave at any time. Unless this was like Quantum Leap and I had to put right what once went wrong. Hattie was talking again.

       “…that’s why I ended up going to Trinity School rather than working down in Denton Holme. My Dad reckons it’s better for me anyway so…” she tailed off. “School or Co-op?”

       For a moment I thought I’d misheard. Also, I had no idea what she was talking about. Nor did I know. What on Earth was a Co-op anyway? Oh well, in case of emergency: be honest. “School.”

       “How fabulous! So you’re an academic as well?”

       “I mean, I guess.”

       “Don’t you know?” she looked moderately confused.

       This wasn’t an easy conversation. But then, I reflected, most conversations were filled with landmines and mistakes to make so this was unfamiliar but no different to normal. “Oh, yeah, I do. Just… it’s a figure of speech.”

       “Lancastrian?”

       In for a penny… “Yeah. I mean, yes.” Also I had no idea what a Union camp was and that was, apparently, where I was going. And Hattie had been nice enough to strike up a conversation. I decided to take a risk and ask some questions of my own. “You been to one of these before?”

       “No, first one. I suppose it’s the same for you.”

       “Absolutely.”

       “Oh, good. So, what’s your favourite subject? Mine’s Maths, and the sciences obviously.”

       “Oh, History. I like the First World War. Well, like is probably the wrong word, but it’s my favourite thing to learn about.”

       “What’s that?”

       “What’s what?”

       “First World War? Is that like a Roman or Saxon thing? Most of my History is all about modern stuff and nonsense.”

       I was taken aback. Well, I did think this was all a bit close to Victorian times. Either that or she was very into Maths and not a fan of History, which would make sense, most of the History I’d done in class was medieval and industrial era anyway so we hadn’t actually studied the First World War, it was just what my Dad was into. “No, 1914-1918, I guess it’s a bit-”

       “Oh, the Great War you mean? I’ve never heard it called the First World War before, you make it sound like there was another one! Or more! Gosh! Can you imagine? Oh! I bet you like reading those science fiction books! I’m not a fan, my Mum made me read H. G. Wells once, she really liked it, and it wasn’t as good as Anderson or the Brontës. Have you read Wells?”

       Something told me to drop the subject and take the opportunity to talk books instead. “Read the Landships once, prefer short stories.” I’m not completely dense, but I ignored the ‘something’. “You’ve never heard of the Second World War? Hitler and the Germans, that sort of thing.” In the moment, despite my huge confidence in my own abilities, I found myself floundering and relying on half-baked memories of Commando comics and bad TV shows. “Like Dad’s Army or ‘Allo ‘Allo?”

       Hattie looked utterly confused, but clearly decided that I wasn’t a raving lunatic and, instead, jumped to what must have been the only logical conclusion for her to draw. “I’ve not heard of those books, who wrote them? I’ve heard of Hitler though,” she looked thoughtful for a moment, “Angry gadgey with a silly moustache, did something in Germany or something?”

       I didn’t think Hattie was this ill-informed, nothing about her so far suggested it, apart from the fact that she had blonde hair and films had long since told me that blonde girls in films were a bit- no, that seemed unlikely. Basically, I got the distinct impression that she really didn’t know about Hitler and that, therefore, this strange place in which I found myself didn’t find him as noteworthy as perhaps I thought he ought to be. “Leader of Germany, of the Nazis?”

       “Yes, he went on a bit of a radge from what I know, then he was done in. Capitalist and all that.”

       I wasn’t expecting that. I’d heard that term once or twice but honestly had no idea what it meant. “A what?”

       “Oh, you know, a radge – bit angry… a radge.”

       “No, no, I know that,” I did, heard it before: Carlisle slang. “Capitalist?”

       “Well, that’s what the Soviets say about Germany. It’s a capitalist country. Like the Colonies. My Dad reads all the news, says I need to as well, he quizzes me on it. Says Maths is a pointless subject with no real applications in the real world.” Her voice took on a posher tone when she said that, I guessed she was quoting her father. “Sorry, I’m going on a bit.”

       “No, it’s cool.”

       Again that look of confusion flashed over Hattie’s face. “What?”

       “It’s cool, I don’t mind.”

       “Is it? I thought it was pretty decent, actually.”

       “Huh?” This was far harder work than normal conversations. I decided that the best course of action was to play this more carefully, say less and pay more attention. It was beginning to dawn on me that being in the body of a girl might be the least disorienting thing happening and, arguably, the least confusing. “Why Maths?” I grasped at anything to keep the conversation moving. I had at least found out that it wasn’t Victorian times: Hattie knew about the First World War, or the Great War, which meant that had happened. Didn’t people between the wars call the First World War the Great War?

       “It’s easy. You line the numbers up, apply the stuff and they do what they’re supposed to do. Then, if you’re not certain, you can work backwards. Everything has a correct answer, no opinions or guessing. You know, like in Literature Appreciation where you’ve got to say why the author used that word or this phrase. Or Computers, where the programming can have mistakes and you don’t realise until the end and even then you don’t know where it is.”

       I spotted the ‘Literature Appreciation’ rather than English, the use of ‘Computers’ rather than ‘Information Technology’. However, more importantly, I totally got what she was saying about Maths. “Yeah!” My enthusiasm wasn’t put on. “Same with languages. Like, in Latin, when you know the verb endings it’s easier to translate and, if there’s a problem, you can work backwards.”

       “Latin?”

       “Oh, yeah, I got to take it in…” I paused, I took it in Year 8 because my school offered it but this place might not have that. I took another stab: “Language of the Romans. I learned a bit because I want to learn French and Spanish and Portuguese but, well, haven’t got the time. Not yet. Latin’ll make it easier ‘cos they’re Romance languages, based on Latin, and Portuguese is practically Latin anyway.”

       “I’m not as much of a fan of languages. Had to learn a bit of Russian, obviously, and my Dad wants me to learn some Zulu and Xhosa.” Hattie had that look again. “Trinity doesn’t have African languages, Dad was talking about going to Union House. God, I hope the camp doesn’t make us do languages.”

       Zulu I knew, I’ve seen the film, but the other one I wasn’t even going to try and pronounce even having heard her say it. “I know a bit of German,” I said, a little lamely. I’d always considered myself a bit of a linguist but I had never even wrapped my head around the fact that Russian had a different alphabet, let alone learned any words.

Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Fire, wisdom and Bechdel

I confess that this entry was a hard one. It has been quite a while since I wrote anything at all, so it was always going to be odd coming back to it. Nevertheless, I return to my prehistoric story and find that I am writing something that I never planned. I wanted to write about music in the mountains and communities of itinerant men on journeys sharing skills and ideas but, instead, I found myself writing about tribes and women in nests.

Before anyone gets going, it's not about women being home-makers. At least, I hope not. It is centred on a meal though, because in my experience anything worth anything is centred on food. If I write about anything without food then that is when I am at my least realistic. It was partly inspired by reading some posts and blogs about women in history and how they tend to get ignored. How our perceptions of the modern era seem to inform what we consider to be realistic and authentic in SF and Fantasy novels.

I was also struck by Bechdel and that thing about women who talk together and don't talk about men. I have failed in that regard because the child of the piece makes reference to the male of the story in her petulance. This vaguely upsets me. However, I have, apparently, found a way around the female nomenclature - we have Falcon and Leaf on the Breeze as names. I dunno, they kinda work but I'm still not completely satisfied, they don't break the mould as much as I would like given my Moon Dancer and Shadow of the Stag names that came out of nowhere and instantly seemed to fit.

So, to the analysis provided by 750words.com as usual:


Rating: PG (violence[?])

Feeling mostlyself-expressive, and concerned mostly about food and drink - figures, given the setting

Mindset: Extrovert - Positive - Uncertain - Thinking

Time: The Past; Primary Sense: Touch; Us and Them: Them

34 minutes at 43 words per minute


Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Secrets that men keep

Tonight I fill in a section. I realised today that Moon Dancer doesn't eat or drink on his quest for about four days. Okay, that's fine, I guess, but there's no way he can't drink in that time. He'd be mad with thirst, something I haven't even mentioned. Okay, the lack of hunger is fine, I guess, but the lack of thirst? Unforgivable!

So, tonight I thought to simply edit that section a little and then move onto new stuff. Instead we have an additional discussion in which I learned more about how males operate in this society I am creating. Also, a little about how the sexes are viewed by men, I hope that came out right. Anyway, another conversation that I hope retains enough of the poetry of previous entries to stand with them.

Analysis from 750words.com as always:

Rating: PG (sexual content) - not sure where that is. I guess one of them is naked?

Feeling mostly self expressive and concerned mostly with religion

Mindset: Introvert - Positive - Uncertain - Thinking (very male?)

Time: the Future; Primary Sense: Sight (damn); Us and Them: You

22 minutes at 36 words per minute


Saturday, 24 November 2012

And the beat goes on

Still at it. Still in the war. Now writing in French for a scene. French!  I don't know any French. I also, when I have seen this scene in my head before now, have only really looked at it in flashback. That is, it only really takes place in amongst another scene.

Why am I writing it as it happens? Why?

I blame William.

Favourite line so far of the novel, though, which is:

“Madmorsels!” Batemann’s command of Aixlenean was shocking, “Noose ‘ave ey mongy!”

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Back on the sauce

Better night writing tonight, achieved by cheating and being too dog-tired to do anything connected to the day job. After the day I've had there I would usually just have a night vegetating in front of the telly, so it was nice to have Nano force me to do something more productive.

So, tonight I cheated by skipping past the part where my MC changes to become a little more, well, minimal and went straight to the Aixlenean war, allowing me to put in some tired training camp tropes and some scenes I remember from the 1930s adaptation of All Quiet on the Western Front and Hitler: the Rise of Evil where the company gets shelled arriving at the front - though I didn't quite get that far. I also added a character name that I've had before but found him to be a lot different than the other times I've deployed him.

Anyway, headlines: just shy of 24,000 words and no music tonight.  Much experimentation, if it can be called that, with dialogue driven scenes that have minimal descriptive elements. Not sure of if they work but so going to keep trying.

Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Playlists, plague and racism

Well, I had to take a day off to see bonfires and then another to keep pace with the day job deluge of drudgery and devilment.  With sickness in the house and multiple vomitings upon my person by other people I was slowly losing the belief that I could carry on.

And tonight has been rather difficult.  There was a long section that relied almost entirely on third person summary, which is not a good way to advance plot, I was so much more into the whole vignette idea to show time passing and also to impart relevant information without 'telling' - one of my worst habits back when I used to write more.

Having an autistic main character has, however, worked wonders.  Now my soulless and technical style is for a reason and helps to characterise William as he slowly develops into the person he becomes by the end of the novel.  This is, unfortunately, going to mean some conversations like the one I wrote this evening - hugely racist with the characters having the discussion not even having the awareness to register the horrors which they bandy about.  Partly I'm glad, the Dandies are supposed to be dangerous and, well, just a little bit seedy but mostly I'm appalled that I could even write it.

William Caston, you are not a terribly nice person you know!

He knows, he's fine with it, being nice is a sign of weakness if it is not used for personal gain.  Everyone is doing it, apparently.

Well, quite.  Thank you William.  And now shut up, the adults are talking.  Oh, I'm back in the swing, but much reduced on daily wordcount: 15,696.

Thursday, 3 May 2012

Murderer

"So why did you contact me?"

"You were on the run, seemed everyone is looking for you."

"Why should I trust you?"

"Oh, you shouldn't.  That would be as bad as me trusting you.  I mean, I can say that I'm not going to call the police or anything but you have absolutely no reason to believe me when I do.  I guess all you have is faith."

"You one of those religious nuts?  I saw plenty of those in prison."

"I believe in God."

"I could kill you now, and no one would ever find the body."

"I know.  You absolutely could.  I wouldn't expect God to pop down and stop you either, if that's what you'd be trying to disprove."

"So what's to stop me?"

"Nothing, and that's what makes this so delicious.  I can add another inducement: I have food, shelter and a safe place.  But I've ditched my phone.  You're right: no one knows that I'm here or that I contacted you or that you are here.  Of course, you could choose to disbelieve everything that I've just said."

"I'm not innocent, I killed them.  All of them."

"I know.  Who said I thought you didn't?"

"So why help me?"

"I haven't helped you yet.  But, in answer to your question, why not?  Do you need the help?  Do you want me to help?  Should I offer some assistance?  Does it matter who you are?"